Job Offers
by Gremblin
Summary: A series of drabbles depicting Rodney doing jobs you'd never expect him to do. All of them majorly AU. Read and review.
1. McDonalds Manager

**Author's Note:** Okay. I have a million ideas running through my mind of jobs that I'd like to see Rodney doing and couldn't ever think of a good way to get them out. I was at work when the idea of a series of drabbles came to mind and knew that I had to do one.

If you have any requests or ideas please tell me! They're all welcome! I make no promises to write them all but I'll do my best! I'll even give you credit for the idea!

**Word Count:** 241

**Disclaimer:** Iown nothing. no... wait... I own the SGA season one DVDs!!

"Can I get a manager please?"

It was late afternoon and Rodney was the only manager on for the next hour and a half at the small McDonalds. His only swing manager was on first window and therefore he was the last choice to do the discount. For that was what was needed from him and – not for the first time – he wished that he was allowed to give codes to more than just managers. Why was that again? Oh yes, because the big bosses that were too good to do actual work were worried that people would give discounts to their friends.

Idiots didn't know what they were talking about.

With a frustrated sigh he turned and jumped over to the register that needed his code, putting it in with a practiced ease that made him sure the cashier wouldn't know the numbers. Many people had tried to learn his personal code but he changed it regularly and mastered it quickly.

Turning back to running the drive-thru order he had just been running he glanced quickly up at the screen. What did he need again? Oh yes...

Not three minutes later another cashier called out for a manager.

An angry look later and the drive-thru presenter was running his own orders as Rodney relieved the offending McDonald's worker of their discount card. His lecture not to come when it was busy obviously hadn't gotten through their thick skull.

**AN2:** obey the blue button...


	2. Daycare Worker

**Author's Note:** An idea that my younger sister, Yenattrib (go read her Danny Phantom fanfiction if you're into that fandom) gave me. I loved it, so I wrote it.

And an explanation to the previous chapter! As I work at a McDonalds I find that oftentimes when one employee comes in when they're not working at least one more is only a few minutes behind them. It gets very annoying. Especially if it's busy. Because of that I've always wondered how Rodney would react to the situation.

**Word Count:** 243

**Insert standard witty disclaimer here**

"Mr. McKaaaay! I did a potty!"

With a wince at his fellow daycare co-worker Rodney turned to look at the three year old that was proudly trotting out of the bathroom with his pants and underwear down around his ankles. With a pitiless grin his coworker pushed on Rodney's shoulder so that he was facing the three-year-old.

"That's all well and good but you know that you're not supposed to come out of the bathroom without pulling your pants up first." Rodney sighed. He told himself over and over again as he knelt down and did the act for the young child that he couldn't yell at him. He found, however, that the child didn't only not pull his pants up but he also had generously forgotten to wipe himself.

God, he knew, was testing him. But why was the test so hard?

Reigning in the developing anger – it would likely get him fired and he needed this job – he quickly led the youngster into the bathroom and had a stern chat about proper behaviour. The fact that it was against many rules to leave washrooms without pants and underwear on was said. The youngster said that yes, he understood and no, he wouldn't do it again.

Rodney, feeling particularly vindictive, had a plan. His shift was over soon but the coworker's wasn't.

Snack time came and Rodney gave all the kids popsicles. Hyped up on sugar rushes Rodney gave his coworker a pitiless grin and bid him goodbye.

**AN2:** Obey the blue button...


	3. Colonel McKay

**AN:** An idea I've had for EONS but could never get out in the way that I wanted. So here it is! Enjoy!

**Word Count: **324

**Insert standard witty disclaimer here.**

"What the hell d'you think you're doing, Sheppard?!"

Colonel Rodney McKay, ranking military officer on the Atlantis Expedition, wasn't a happy camper. Not in any sense or meaning of the saying. The chief science officer, the only person on the whole of Atlantis that could stand him, was being the biggest idiot that Rodney had ever seen.

And that was saying something.

Dr. Sheppard, PhD in Engineering, had just started attaching wires randomly – at least as far as Rodney could tell – in random places to one of the many Anceint devices laying around his lab. Rodney had just gone to berat the man for skipping out on _yet_ another training session with Teyla.

Rodney had more than once sworn that Sheppard couldn't possibly be straight. What self-respecting man would willingly miss a chance to see such a sexy woman in such revealing clothing?

With a seethingly angry glare Sheppard glanced up at Rodney.

"If you had actually paid attention during briefings you'd know that I'm readying this device to be brought off-world on our next mission. To ready it I first need to figure out how to turn it off." Sheppard explained simply. Rolling his eyes Rodney walked over and touched the device and mentally gave the command for it to turn off or be thrown against a wall. The device happily agreed to do as it was told and Sheppard sent another hateful glare Rodney's way.

"I hate you, you know that?" It had been a sore spot with Sheppard that Rodney had a highly advanced ATA gene and that the innoculation hadn't had any effect on himself. Meaning that Sheppard wasn't able to properly figure out what many of the devices did.

It was a sore spot that grew larger every day.

With a teasing grin Rodney waved as he walked out of the lab, just barely missing getting hit with a flying coffee cup badly aimed at his head.

**AN2:** obey the blue button...


	4. Spy Tech Support

**Author's Note:** New Chapter! And this one's got a dedication to go along with it! See, I told you I give props where they're deserved. But that'll come in a second.

I got a bunch of reviews (you guys really seemed to like my last chapter) saying that I should expand on the idea of Rodney and John switching roles on Atlantis. I don't know if I said this before, but the reason I started writing these short little ficlets was because I _couldn't_ write much more than I did with these ideas. If you see an idea you like and want to expand on, feel free! Adopt away! I'd love to see a lot of these ideas expanded on. All I ask, if you do, is that you tell me so that I can give more props. Free advertising is good, yeah? Everyone loves free advertising!!

**Dedication:** This chapter was wholly and completely inspired by ZedPM. Quite a few upcoming chapters are, actually. She sent me a huge list of alternates to go through, some of which I'd already thought of but some that never even crossed my mind. Props to ZedPM!

**Word Count: **326

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. No suing. You will get nothing.

"You break it you buy it." Rodney stated as the Agency's top man walked into his large laboratory. The man, an Air Force academy dropout, was a walking accident and still fairly new to being an international spy. At least compared to Rodney, who had been recruited as a child after building an atomic bomb for a grade school science fair project.

"C'mon, McKay. Don't you trust me?" John asked in a tone dripping of fake innocence. Rodney didn't even look up from the gadget he was working on.

"No. No I don't." Rodney said simply. "_Especially_ after your last mission." Rodney spun his chair to face the man he was slowly beginning to see as a friend. One of few; field agents didn't tend to last long enough to even get their own account in the Agency computer matrix.

"How was I supposed to know that it would explode?" John asked with an over exaggerated shrug.

"It was printed in plain English on a yellow sticker on the side in plain sight. My four year old _niece_ would have been able to read it." Rodney replied blandly. "But that's beside the point. You have another mission, god help us all." And he was back to facing one of his many worktables, sifting through the sea of devices scattered there.

"Yeah, to-" John started but was interrupted.

"Do something to some guy that wants to take over, kill, abduct, steal, or explode something or someone important. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt." Rodney cut in, waving his hand uncaringly at the man standing behind him. "Found it!" He held up what looked like a white game boy.

"You've gotta be kidding me..." John groaned. It was written all over his face that he hated it. His hatred of the box only seemed to amuse Rodney farther.

"No, no no no no. Trust me, you'll love it!" Rodney insisted. "Even more than the Puddle jumpers!"

**AN2:** review!!


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